Choose Wisely.
The choices we make dictate the life we lead — Danny De Vito
In 2020, I found myself at a crossroads. I was tired, angry, and actively experiencing burnout.
Life was life-ing hard, and I was over it.
I knew I had to make a change but was unsure of what to do, how to do it and where to begin.
After speaking with a few people I trusted, I decided to take some time off so that I could focus on improving my physical and mental health. In retrospect, those three months off would trigger a positive personal and professional pivot that is still paying dividends.
This period of rest coincided with the beginning of the Covid pandemic, so as I put a pause on my regular routine, I was also being tucked away from the daily grind, distractions from people and my excuses to be busy.
During my time off, I leaned into my generalist nature and indulged myself with activities that replenished me.
Here are a few of the things that I did that helped me to realign my focus and reconnect to my purpose:
• I changed my phone number.
• I deleted Facebook and paused other social media pages.
• I disconnected from some acquaintances.
• I prioritized learning and reading every day.
• I prioritized spending time outdoors every morning.
• I got a dog.
• I improved my rejection and frustration tolerance in therapy.
Most importantly, I challenged myself to sit alone, every day, with my thoughts, to think.
These simple acts of realignment cumulatively created a forceful lever that shifted me back to my base and gave me the insight to start reemerging at the end of the three months reinvigorated, reflective, refined and resigned.
And it worked.
How is it that something as simple as getting a new number could catalyze a mental shift LEFT?
I for one believe in the power of simple actions.
Sometimes it’s not the act itself that creates the momentum for change. It is the symbolism of the act.
See, I had my previous phone number from my ten-plus year residency in New York City. That number was connected to a past- good and bad- that I needed to move on from, an identity that in many ways was still shackled to my present self. I had physically moved away from that city, a place that I still hold dearly, but in all honesty, I also still held fast to things in the past that no longer served me.
Mentally, I was stuck.
The feeling of empowerment gained from blocking old contacts, changing my number, getting a new device and sharing my information with only those who “needed to know” was a legitimate sign of forward movement.
It was an act of strength made real that enabled me to effectively close the book on that page in my life and to start writing a new chapter. Putting that old “me” in the dump allowed me to double down on reinventing myself, to grow my confidence by actively seeking out new experiences, a new circle, new mentors, new interests…
No longer was there a battle with self-judgment when I found myself happy in a new space, no thoughts of “this is so unlike you..”, or “why are you doing this?”, or “these people are so different from your old friends…”
Those thoughts would previously convict me. Now, when one of those thoughts manage to slip into my mind, or even more frequently, when a family member or old acquaintance remembers how I used to be, I own my transformation.
It is a flex to be totally unlike the old you. If you are not, then perhaps this is your time to start making new choices.
And with the engine primed, I continued to disconnect.
I deleted Fakebook and put a pause on networking.
I stopped engaging past acquaintances who saw me as a current embodiment of my old self.
I got a dog. I went outside and got into nature.
I read- a lot.
I met with a coach and prioritized eating well and cooking healthy foods.
I replenished my mind and body with rest.
I took naps.
Ultimately- I prioritized myself.
The act of choosing yourself daily, putting yourself first in every situation, every day in every way, for many women is a renegade act.
We have not been conditioned to instinctually prioritize ourselves, and we unconsciously see this behavior as being “selfish.” Recognizing this belief as mind trash was the first CLUE for me to remember that one cannot pour from an empty cup.
If I truly wanted to make the changes in my life that would help me to ascend to the next level of professional success, to attain personal health and happiness and satisfaction with my life, I needed to be okay with choosing me, first. Everyday.
Looking back, every hour alone, every missed call, canceled outing and early bedtime was worth it. The proof in my life, TODAY, is evident.
So, how will you choose yourself this week?
Here are some resources to get you thinking and moving:
Elderly ‘Experts’ Share Life Advice in Cornell Project - The New York Times (nytimes.com)
Quarterly Review: A practical guide for reviewing your progress, navigating change, and maximizing your potential - Sahill Bloom
Ben Meer - Systems Thinking for Smart Living
Cycle Breaker Coach, Priscilla Maria
